Time with good people always leaves me feeling alive and full of hope. Maybe it is the memories we have shared together or the love we share together, but more than that I think it is the power of a community of people sharing life together. Over this last week I have felt as if I have been a part of something more than my normal life offers, life with others. Over the last week I have been in long car rides with 6 other people, shady motels, a joyous wedding, jumping from cliffs, sharing meals, at a house concert, and sleeping a little less. While, yes I have to admit it feels good to have a little time to myself and alone time with Katie, I know life together with others is far better.
It is funny because Katie and I are in a place of what I can only describe as somewhere between getting by and hopelessness. Both of us are on the eve of moving back home into our parents houses because we are both without jobs and therefore without money to pay for a place to live. We want to get married more than anything else in the world, but really have no means to. My pride has kept me from running around and applying for any part-time job that pays minimum wage. In fact tomorrow's task of the day is filing for unemployment.
What has been the craziest thing about these two experiences happening simultaneously is that somehow I have been left hopefull. In a recent conversation with a great musician, Andrea Hamilton, I has reminded of a prophecy, that a women who cared for me more than I probably ever will know, prophesied over me a little over four years ago in Manti, Utah. Without going into to much detail and because I have never been one to hold much claim in these types of things-even though I hope with all of being that this one will be true-the message was one of hope after a time of what can only be called a trial. At the same time, Katie and I have been made very aware this last week of the fact that many who we were around this last week are in similar situations as we are, getting by.
These things have given me hope. As Andrea reminded me the other night many men and women in scripture were called by God but quickly after their calling fell into a time of deep trial (just think of Jesus baptized then lead into the wilderness for 40 days). I can help but think that the reason for this is because they were being shaped by God, becoming stronger in their calling as children of God.
As of now I have no idea what is next for Katie and I, but I have hope. Maybe, I will have to do some tent making, as my brother Garret calls it, for awhile until I find a community where God will call me to serve his church? Maybe, I will never be a full-time youth pastor as I have believed I would be? Who really know, because I don't.
There is though one thing I do know I have hope. I have no idea where Katie and I would be without the people in our life's, those of you who we have spent the last week with and those of you who were not there physically but are spread across the country. This week I was not only given a little more hope in the mist of a lot of worries, but I was again reminded why God calls his people to be in community, but more about that to come...
2 comments:
Steve! First of all, can I just say that us and Cat were talking about you last night and how much we miss you. We'll be out in October and I think we'll die if we don't get to see you.
Second, I am soooo glad that you have such a strong support system during this tough time. We feel like we have a similar group out here, of people we think of as family, and I would have never gotten through the-hell-that-was-2008 without them. [Have you read Philip Yancey's "Disappointment With God?" You should. It's really good. And through it...] I learned that when I feel like God isn't with me, He is. His presence is in my brothers and sisters and they're lifting me up, crying with me, letting me be angry and frustrated.
And even though it took a while, I finally came to a place where I was grateful for my trials, because it was God's will, and whatever His will is, is way better than my own, and He's always teaching me, growing me, stretching me.
I am so glad you are feeling hopeful. There is always reason to hope. I can't promise anything on behalf of God, except that He is refining you and you are sure to be molded into something better and brighter.
Love, Heidi
hey brother,
What you write reminds me of where i was just over a year ago... now i was married so i don't feel that part, but the desire to manifest your dreams, your God given dreams. And as I was reading this it reminded me about something we were talking about at my staff retreat this weekend. We talked about the idea of mission, and when the people of God go on mission we trade our plans for God's plans. That is no easy task for us a people who always get their way. Maybe this is that for you? Maybe it is time to go on mission. I don't know what that looks like for you...
but one thing i know is that god gave me a vision for you to move to colorado :)
Garret
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