Thursday, June 18, 2009
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Last Saturday I graduated from my Masters program. As I sat there in the audience of mostly people I had never met before (since I did not live on campus I usually just went to Fuller for class and then took off afterward) I felt a sense of both completion and fear. For the first time in my life I would not be in school. While I enjoyed this fact I was still faced with the fear of what-is-next...once again. Yesterday, I had a job interview out in Riverside, CA for a youth job. After the interview, as I sat in the car as my sister drove Katie and I to a local record store, I could not help but look out the window an think to myself...might I be moving back to Riverside?
For those of you who do not know, I grew up in Riverside. For nineteen years of my life I called Riverside my home. Once I left I never thought I would ever be back there. While yes my parents and family are out there and it would be nice to be in a place that we know at least someone, both Katie and I have admitted to each other that Riverside is not our first choice and we are telling ourselves that we can just move there for a little while (3 to 5 years) and then move elsewhere. Yet, I think the main reason that I don't want to move back to Riverside is because those who we call "friends" are not there.
In the book "An Emergent Manifesto of Hope" Doug Pagitt defines friendship as "vulnerability, risk, struggle, and pain." When I think of those four terms there is a small group of people in this large world that come to mind (you know who you are). Yet, I think the thing that scares me the most is what Pagitt goes on to say, "there is a realization that we need to pursue this friendship not as an addition to faith but as a necessity of it."
You see that thing I am truly scared about is moving to wherever both Katie and I end up, whether it be Riverside, Menlo Park, or San Diego is not having people around who love both Katie and I and see us as true friends. Friends who make it a point to call you just to see how you are doing. Friends who when you are with them it feels like you never were apart. Friends who you let see your good and bad. Friends who you can both cuss with and pray with.
Now I know that friendships will develop over time and there are those I can always count on, but there is something to be said about those people who you have lived life with. Who you don't have to explain everything to because they just know.
I have no idea how else to end this but to say thank you to all who read...I love you